_my love for you;

Thursday, August 09, 2007

天灰

我的天空今天有点灰
我的心是个落叶的季节
我不知道如何度过今夜
所有的灯早已经全都熄灭

wet pillows. puffy eyes
dried lips, wet cheeks
i know how it looks like to have bloodshot eyes now
laid awake in bed last night, looking out of the window.
had a splitting headache
and my mind was in a twirl.

i haven't utter more than 10 words today.
i didnt speak or look at them in the eyes at all
i was practically emotionless.
and numb.

i really dont understand why i have to always give in to you
not only did i get nothing in return,
you always give me reasons to get frustrated and cry
everything, i tried to close an eye and
let you go your way
but what did i get in the end?
some accusations that whatever trouble or problems you caused
is definitely related to me
and it is my fault
it is also my fault that i get angry over it

when they were talking about it last night
you will never know how i felt then
i was gritting my teeth
i was crying silently
so silently
that i was choking and gasping for air
my lungs and ribs were hurting so much
the tears just flowed uncontrollably
i even had to dig my nails into my flesh
to try to control my sobbing
how did you felt then?
i definitely didn't felt ok
i am tired of lying
especially because of you

it's time to stop
stop defending you
stop giving in to you
stop pretending that i mind nothing at all
stop teaching me how to lie
stop teaching me to wear a mask
stop teaching me how to feel numb.

you have reached the limit.
finally.
i'm really tired of these.
zhen1 de4 hen3 lei4.

maybe some day,
you should try being me
then can you really experience
what i have been feeling all the while
towards you

i dont want any 'sorry's
sorry is useless if you keep repeating the mistakes
and i have learnt this from you

there are times when i am down

and times when i'm not

but when i'm very down

i think you ought to know

that it's because of you

i was viewing the fireworks from the balcony just now

it was super cooling with the breeze blowing towards my face

the entire area was dark , except for the lightings of houses

and the fireworks

such a beautiful picture

i wished i could stop time

and stay in that moment forever

shall stop ranting. it will never end.

goodbye

time to watch troy

a joke i took from my eldest brother to brighten up my day. and perhaps yours too :D

7:06 AM :)